Thank you for making this subject a matter of introspection. Too often I read 'rants' from frustrated women who are endlessly seeking to blame culture, society, men....you name it.... for what they perceive as their own shortcomings. That is always the non-productive-easy-way-out. It is much more challenging to look yourself in the eye (in a mirror), and say "How or what can I do, yes just me, to begin the process of learning that I am enough?"
I see it from a “yes, and…” perspective, I guess. I do think our environment is toxic in many ways, but I still need to find the right actions to take to help myself and others.
I am a fellow sewist and I’ve been following you via Collette patterns since you released your 3rd pattern I believe! Then your continued journey via this substack. Though we have never met, I almost feel like you are a friend of mine! We have so much in common. This essay resonated with me to the core. I’m certain I deal with the exact same issues you described. I also have four children who I homeschool; imagine the issues that would arise for an ambitious, list-making, over achieving (insecure) mama in this setting!!!! After reading this article, which resonated with me TO THE CORE, I realized the reason why I’ve always liked sewing is because the practice forces me to slow down and enjoy the moment.
All this to say, thank you. Thank you so much for sharing this. Already, after one day of attempting to practice what you described… I am feeling a huge difference. Your words have helped me so much. Thank you!
Sophie, that is amazing! It’s so cool to hear that you’ve been following along for such a long time. I’m really glad this resonated with you, especially as someone with responsibility for four little ones.
This is a really difficult practice for me, but I’ve decided that I am going to commit to it for the rest of my life, even if I often fail.
Great article. I am constantly rushed - running around and running late. I keep trying to cut out committments but more creep in. This is so helpful. Thank you for sharing.
As a chronic list maker and over committer (and eldest daughter over achiever) I also always crave the slow down but struggle because there’s “so much to do and so little time”
I love this approach though, and find I have certain tasks that I easily sink in to and enjoy the process of. Thank you for sharing this, I enjoyed reading your experience and perspective.
What’s been interesting to me is how many daily tasks can be quite enjoyable if you just let them be. When they’re not overlaid with a bunch of thoughts like, “this is a chore”, or “I have to do this” you can actually notice what’s nice about them. (Of course with the caveat that you are not in an actual survival situation).
For sure. Another thing I've found helpful, perhaps a tangential example: Journaling. Specifically, my journals are most enjoyable to write (and read later on) when I am *doing stuff.* If I am just sitting on my phone a lot, my life is quite boring, and there really isn't much to say about it! So the journal as reflection points out the richness or emptiness. And when you do even "simple" things like gardening, bird watching, going for walks, and you *pay attention*, then those things naturally will come up in your memory when you journal. (Contrast it with scrolling, where you might have "seen" a million things but fail to recall a single one.)
That is such a great point! I wrote this quote in my commonplace book just this morning: “We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience.” John Dewey
Ok now I must ask: As I’ve grown my journaling, I recently started a commonplace book. Overall I like the practice of sitting and reflecting on what I read, quotes, notes and such. All that is great.
But do you ever go back to it? If so, what’s your process?
In the past I had tried the whole PKM digital connected notebook hype and found it too much.
As it stands, I mostly try to just write about the interesting stuff I reflect on, but after that, i don’t look back. (But I’d like to.)
Ohhh! That sounds perfect. Coincidentally, I just bought a Midori 5 year diary 😂 I had bought it thinking I’d want to capture each day with one line, but I found it a bit redundant to my other journaling. Using it for commonplace capture is a great idea! I’m gonna do just that, thank you. Awesome to hear the rewards showing up for you as you’ve kept it up!
Thanks Sarai! I have been contemplating a similar post. I have the same “issues” as you and I’ve been trying various things to quiet my brain over the past month.
The biggest thing for me has been treating it as a never-ending spiritual practice instead of a “should”. That really helped me to take it seriously as an ongoing discipline.
Thank you for making this subject a matter of introspection. Too often I read 'rants' from frustrated women who are endlessly seeking to blame culture, society, men....you name it.... for what they perceive as their own shortcomings. That is always the non-productive-easy-way-out. It is much more challenging to look yourself in the eye (in a mirror), and say "How or what can I do, yes just me, to begin the process of learning that I am enough?"
I see it from a “yes, and…” perspective, I guess. I do think our environment is toxic in many ways, but I still need to find the right actions to take to help myself and others.
I am a fellow sewist and I’ve been following you via Collette patterns since you released your 3rd pattern I believe! Then your continued journey via this substack. Though we have never met, I almost feel like you are a friend of mine! We have so much in common. This essay resonated with me to the core. I’m certain I deal with the exact same issues you described. I also have four children who I homeschool; imagine the issues that would arise for an ambitious, list-making, over achieving (insecure) mama in this setting!!!! After reading this article, which resonated with me TO THE CORE, I realized the reason why I’ve always liked sewing is because the practice forces me to slow down and enjoy the moment.
All this to say, thank you. Thank you so much for sharing this. Already, after one day of attempting to practice what you described… I am feeling a huge difference. Your words have helped me so much. Thank you!
Yours truly,
A Friend From Afar
Sophie, that is amazing! It’s so cool to hear that you’ve been following along for such a long time. I’m really glad this resonated with you, especially as someone with responsibility for four little ones.
This is a really difficult practice for me, but I’ve decided that I am going to commit to it for the rest of my life, even if I often fail.
Great article. I am constantly rushed - running around and running late. I keep trying to cut out committments but more creep in. This is so helpful. Thank you for sharing.
I’m glad it helped you, fellow rusher!
As a chronic list maker and over committer (and eldest daughter over achiever) I also always crave the slow down but struggle because there’s “so much to do and so little time”
I love this approach though, and find I have certain tasks that I easily sink in to and enjoy the process of. Thank you for sharing this, I enjoyed reading your experience and perspective.
What’s been interesting to me is how many daily tasks can be quite enjoyable if you just let them be. When they’re not overlaid with a bunch of thoughts like, “this is a chore”, or “I have to do this” you can actually notice what’s nice about them. (Of course with the caveat that you are not in an actual survival situation).
I love this Sarai. Simple and true. Aspirational and practical. Good.
Thanks, Susan… that’s nice to hear!
Great reframe. Focusing attention on what we enjoy and what do be doing, not just trying to stop the bad habits.
Exactly! Meditation has taught me this too.
For sure. Another thing I've found helpful, perhaps a tangential example: Journaling. Specifically, my journals are most enjoyable to write (and read later on) when I am *doing stuff.* If I am just sitting on my phone a lot, my life is quite boring, and there really isn't much to say about it! So the journal as reflection points out the richness or emptiness. And when you do even "simple" things like gardening, bird watching, going for walks, and you *pay attention*, then those things naturally will come up in your memory when you journal. (Contrast it with scrolling, where you might have "seen" a million things but fail to recall a single one.)
That is such a great point! I wrote this quote in my commonplace book just this morning: “We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience.” John Dewey
Ok now I must ask: As I’ve grown my journaling, I recently started a commonplace book. Overall I like the practice of sitting and reflecting on what I read, quotes, notes and such. All that is great.
But do you ever go back to it? If so, what’s your process?
In the past I had tried the whole PKM digital connected notebook hype and found it too much.
As it stands, I mostly try to just write about the interesting stuff I reflect on, but after that, i don’t look back. (But I’d like to.)
Yep! I use a 5-year journal. I just write one thing each day, and read what I wrote on that day in previous years.
I’m currently on year 3. I love it because there are often unexpected connections and themes that emerge, which sparks even more reflection.
(I stole this idea from Austin Kleon.)
Ohhh! That sounds perfect. Coincidentally, I just bought a Midori 5 year diary 😂 I had bought it thinking I’d want to capture each day with one line, but I found it a bit redundant to my other journaling. Using it for commonplace capture is a great idea! I’m gonna do just that, thank you. Awesome to hear the rewards showing up for you as you’ve kept it up!
Thanks Sarai! I have been contemplating a similar post. I have the same “issues” as you and I’ve been trying various things to quiet my brain over the past month.
The biggest thing for me has been treating it as a never-ending spiritual practice instead of a “should”. That really helped me to take it seriously as an ongoing discipline.